i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
