sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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