Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
As shirtless as possible
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
