I got her a Nickelback box set.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize