New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
