i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
