Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
