First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
