Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
