We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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