totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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