I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
