So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
