even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Found the puke drawer
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
