Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
