If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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