walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
