How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
