Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
