I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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