thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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