Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize