i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
