it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
