every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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