i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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