did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
