I hate all girls vehemently.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
