im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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