i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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