Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
