Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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