If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I don't deserve a penis
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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