Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
