Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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