So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
