there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
