Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
