Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
