i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
