her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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