How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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