why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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