1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
