Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
