did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
