pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
