That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
