I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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