Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
