We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
