okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize