Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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