1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
White coat. Heels.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
