He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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