Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
