i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
