I heard we made out
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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