So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
