I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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