After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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