I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Randomize
