i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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