you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This baby is an asshole
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
