Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
