I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
