I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
