they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
