did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
