I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
