Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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