i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
