Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
