sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
